Today, October 21, is the birthday of my friend Kris Doychak, who recently passed on. Kris was always pretty quiet, very introspective, but nonetheless genuinely curious about everyone. When we were in middle school, we tried our hands at some philosophy texts. On more than one occasion, he caught me reading something I genuinely did not understand and had to explain it to me. It was never condescending and always in the interest of exploring our world together.
A few months ago, Kris took his own life. I had not been particularly close to Kris since we started college, but our paths were intertwined much earlier in our spiritual and social foundation. We were childhood friends—part of a group that at one time seemed inseparable. Through distances both literal and figurative, our group began to tear at the seams, and after a short while, none of us were in contact any longer. His death has been on my mind since April, and even still since I’ve been in France.
At Kris’ wake, our group met up once again. However, where we once celebrated our livelihood and our vitality, this time we celebrated life in a much different and humble way. Kris’ death had brought our group together again—but this time, it had become very clear why our group had separated: we are altogether the most different people. We have arrived at different places in life, with very different opinions and lifestyles exhibited from everyone. If we were to be completely honest with each other, our group would never have gotten together under any other circumstance.
Yet, Kris’ death was a pinch that brought all of our young, comfortable, and ignorant lives to a stand still. No longer could we ignore that in our often comfortable lives, there are victims of loneliness and sorrow. In a time where we were complacent with going to class every day, participating in interest groups, working, going out on weekends—there are people in our immediate reach whom we can give a hand to. This is not to say that Kris’ friends and family did not care for him appropriately. On the contrary, I know for a fact that his friends and family had been very close with him and had been doing everything to let Kris know he was loved. Because of this, I can only wonder how much sadness and pain goes unnoticed and untreated on an every day basis.
I believe my mind has been really been stuck on this for a while. The people around me are what make me tick. Wherever I am, whatever I am doing, it is only going to be as good as the people I am spending my time with. For the past couple months, I had been wondering if this was a certain kind of self-affirming weakness, where I need to have people reassuring me that I’m not worthless. After great searching, I don’t find this to be true. I just love people—their stories, their hardships and interests. Political interests, offensive comments, and tastes in music or movies aside, nothing can beat a good conversation over coffee. It makes me feel alive and in touch with others. It has a very spiritual link to my heart, I believe.
There have definitely been some hardships among the France group. I believe that many of us came here with unreasonable expectations, unfinished business, unsteady relationships, etc. As a result, many of us are getting pushed in the deep end of having to cope with adulthood in a country where we can barely speak the language. We are having fun, of course. But fun moments are sandwiched between painful, slow moments where we are forced to reflect on everything that has lead us to where we are: confused and amongst strangers in a different country. Together, however, we realize how much we have in common, despite our difference in pasts.
This is very much what I think about my group of friends from my childhood. The same group that Kris was a part of when we were just young middle schoolers looking for trouble. We have gone far in life and have all ended up in different places. However, despite the fact that the only remaining factor we have in common happens to be our past, I still love all of you. I can’t always keep in touch, especially now in France. However, I implore everyone I know that you are often in my thoughts. No one in my past is forgotten, and none of you have left my heart. Be certain of this.
Today, Kris will be in my thoughts. My prayers go out to his family and his friends. He would have been twenty-one today, so I think I will buy a bottle of champagne and have a fancy drink—as he would have. I miss all of you at home. Enjoy your time together, and never take any moment with anyone for granted. Peace and love to us all.
For Kris and the rest of you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pv7rutY7iUc&mode=related&search=
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